


The Gang Goes on a Weekend Retreat

by willinplaid



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bottle Episodes, Creepy Hotels, Gen, Serial Killers, the graphic violence isn't all that graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willinplaid/pseuds/willinplaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the gang receives an invitation to a weekend retreat at a hotel outside Philly, they are all excited for different reasons, already preparing various schemes for the weekend. However, when they get to the hotel, it's not at all what they expected, and as the party guests start to drop like flies, the gang starts to wonder if they're in danger too...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gang Goes on a Weekend Retreat

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Always Sunny Big Bang, but as that is apparently not a thing that's happening any more, I just decided to post it here anyway. Enjoy!

**Chapter 1: The Gang Gets an Invitation**

An alcohol-fuelled argument about whether the nasty, grimy stain on the wall in the alley behind Paddy’s Pub came under the umbrella of Charlie Work was interrupted by the door opening and closing and a clearing of the throat.

The gang turned around in confusion. All of the bar’s regulars (and the dozen or so regulars made up 90% of the bar’s patronage) knew that when the four owners were screaming at each other, it was easier and faster to just take what they wanted from behind the bar and leave money on the counter. The actual frequency of money being left on the counter was about 60/40, but Mac and Dennis had taken to taking the difference out of Dee and Charlie’s paychecks.

There was a man standing in the doorway and holding a cream envelope in his hand. He was wearing a suit and was looking in disgust at his filthy surroundings. Usually when anyone in a suit came to the bar it was because one of their many schemes was backfiring, and the usual backpedaling and avoidance of responsibility ensued. Charlie began chugging the rest of his beer, Dee started to actually do her job and stock the limes behind the bar, and Mac and Dennis had a short and furious silent argument with lots of grunts and hand gestures. Finally, Dennis sighed and turned around.

“Yeah?”

“The four of you are the bar’s owners?” The man said, coming over and stepping around the passed-out drunk near the door.

“Well, Mac and I are two of the owners. These two just work here.” Dennis said, leaning back and trying to assess what the man was here for. Half a lime hit the back of his head and he turned around to glare at Dee. She shrugged, feigning innocence.

The man, a tall blonde, nodded, although he looked skeptical of this entire operation. “Right. Well, I have come on the behalf of my employer with an invitation to put in the hands of Dennis Reynolds, Dee Reynolds, Mac, and Charlie Kelly.”

Dee’s interest had been piqued, and she extended her hand and took the envelope. “That’s us.”

“The four of you have been invited to the Lamplighter Inn outside of Philadelphia for a weekend retreat with a handful of other select individuals. If you would like to attend, my employer asks that you RSVP as soon as possible, and a car will be sent for you. Good day.”

The man left without another word. Dee started opening the invitation, and Mac crowded around behind her. The paper was extremely thick and the paper tore as she ripped it open.

Dennis stood up despite pretending not to care about the invitation. “Jesus, Dee, you’re tearing that thing apart like-”

“Like a bird.” Mac said, drumming his hands on the bar in impatience.

Dennis laughed. “Like a bird, yeah. That’s what I was gonna say.”

Dee ignored them and read the invite to herself. “Well, suck on this, d-bags. This bird just got invited to a classy retreat for the weekend.”

She let Mac grab it out of her hands to read it. Charlie was the only one not crowding around the invitation. He was still looking back at the doorway, thinking about the driver.

“Did anyone else think that guy looked a little grossed out? I mean, I take a lot of pride in my work, and if this dick thinks he can just walk in and piss all over my livelihood…”

“Charlie, the only one taking a piss all over this place is probably you. I mean, it’s a shithole.” Dennis said absently. “You know, I wasn’t really drawn into this whole thing, but now I think this retreat might have some merit.”

“Yeah?” Mac asked, leaning forward in his barstool to grab another beer. “Sounds like a bunch of rich dicks circle jerking it for a couple days.”

Dennis waved his finger in the air. “No, Mac, you see, that’s exactly why this is an amazing opportunity.”

“Because of the circle jerk.” Mac said.

“What? No, not because of the- there’s no circle jerk! You’re not understanding me. I mean, what better way to slide into the inner sanctum of these people than a weekend retreat?” Dennis’ voice lowered in that way when he was immersed in the seductiveness of an idea. “I mean, out on the streets, in their golf clubs and fancy restaurants, these people are tight-knit group. They’re on the lookout for imposters. But here, in a nice hotel, their guard will be down. And while their guard is down, I’ll be there to slide my way in there, insinuate myself into their group until they’ll think I’ve been there the whole time. And if you all come too, I can show you how. You see, these are my people, or at least they were. I know how they operate.”

Mac and Charlie were frowning, looking weirded out, but Dee nodded.

“Yeah, I’m with Dennis on this one. Think about all the classy dudes that will be there. I bet they’re all loaded. I can totally seduce a bunch of them, and I’ll walk away from the weekend with a new car, some jewels, clothes. This is sounding like a great idea.”

Dennis frowned for a moment. “Well, Dee, the likelihood of you seducing a rich man without my help is pretty much nil.” He laughed. “But stick with me, I’ll show you what I know.”

Dee raised her eyebrows. “You think you can bang more people than me?”

“Dee, I’ll be banging chicks left and right. They won’t even know what hit them.”

“Dennis, these rich bitches will see your creepiness a mile away. Me, on the other hand, now I’m a wild card. Like a breath of fresh air to these rich guys. I’ll be banging way more dudes than you.” Dee said, bringing her elbows up aggressively and leaning over the bar to Dennis.

“Well, I’ll be banging women, not dudes, Dee. And I can’t wait to see you fall without my guiding support at your back.” Dennis said.

“Oh, it’s on, dickhole. You’re gonna be eating your words because Sweet Dee’s gonna be making the rounds all night.” Dee waved her head in challenge.

Dennis and Dee continued to argue while Mac and Charlie ignored them.

“I don’t know, dude. Spending three days with a bunch of rich people sounds like it blows. The last time I was hanging out with rich people, I got kicked out of a country club.” Mac said, knocking back the last of his beer.

Charlie shook his head. “I’m more interested in the location than the people. I mean, this hotel sounds promising. Is this the place where they teach people to light lamps? Is there a group of lamplighters there?”

Mac squinted in confusion. “What? Charlie, I’m pretty sure that’s just a name.”

Charlie pointed. “But you can’t be positive.”

Mac nodded. “Yeah, I can be positive.”

Charlie shrugged. “We’ll see who’s right about that. Either way, there’s going to be cool stuff in the walls.”

“Why would there be cool stuff in the walls?” Mac asked.

“There’s always cool stuff in the walls, dude. You wouldn’t believe half the amazing shit I’ve found in the walls of the bar over the years. Plus, remember the time we found the secret passage to the Phillies’ stadium?” Charlie said.

Mac threw his hands up. “You mean the time we got locked in a linen closet for six days?”

Charlie nodded. “But you still think there’s a secret passage between the hotel and stadium, right?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Mac answered immediately. “We just didn’t find the right closet.”

Charlie nodded, pulling Mac in with a hand to his shoulder. “Remember when we watched Clue? That old house was full of secret passages. Old buildings like this always are. And what do they hide in secret passages?”

Mac nodded, starting to go along with this. “Oh, always something valuable. You know what? I think you’re right. Plus, there’s a pool.”

“Oh, shit, there’s a pool?” Charlie yelled, trying to read the invitation without success. “Well, that seals the deal then. It looks like we’re going to this hotel.”

“What hotel?” Frank entered the bar and let the door slam shut behind him.

“A hotel you’re not invited to, Frank.” Dee said. “The four of us have been invited along to a fancy shindig over the weekend.”

“Will there be a buffet? I’m in.” Frank said, settling down at a table across from the bar.

“You’re not invited, Frank! It’s invite only.” Dennis said, getting out his cell phone to RSVP. “The car is only for the four of us.”

Frank shrugged. “I’ll be able to find my way there. I’m not going to pass on the promise of a buffet.”

“Nobody said there was a buffet.” Dennis hissed, but he cut off as the person on the other end answered the phone.

“Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that the driver never actually told us who his employer is? Who is throwing this party anyway?” Mac asked the group.

Dee looked thoughtful. “Yeah, why exactly were we invited to this thing?”

Dennis hung up the phone, and the five of them sat deep in thought for a moment, each of them weighing the effort of thinking seriously on that question against the exciting allure of the party, and every single one of them decided to abandon the troubling question at the back of their mind and get ready for a party instead.

**Chapter 2: Charlie Finds a Dead Body**

Mac pressed his cheek against the limousine’s window, leaving a greasy mark on the glass.

“Can you see anything?” Dennis asked impatiently. They had been driving for nearly two hours now, and the muffled shouting and kicking coming from the bag under their feet was becoming a little hard to ignore.

“There’s a really old building coming up. This must be the hotel. It kind of looks like a dump.” Mac said.

“Of course it’s a dump. The invitation didn’t specify that we would be in the middle of nowhere.” Dee grumbled. “I thought this was going to be a classy place, not somewhere where old people come to die.”

The hotel came into view as the limousine pulled up the long driveway. The grounds were definitely not what they had been expecting. The hotel looked like it had been standing for hundreds of years, the paint peeling off the sides and green vines climbing up the walls. The hotel was surrounded by a rolling field where the woods encroached on the sides. There were no other cars and there didn’t seem to be any people outside either.

“This place looks like a shithole, Dennis.” Dee whispered as the three of them got out of the car and hefted the giant bag onto the ground. The driver turned off the car and got out, opening the trunk so they could all get their luggage out of the back. He looked in confusion at the moving bag on the ground by their feet but didn’t say anything.

“This is where I leave you. If you walk in, there will be someone there to meet you. I wish you all a good weekend.” The driver said, closing the trunk and turning to the car again.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a second! You’re leaving?” Dennis asked, holding out an arm to stop him.

“Yes.” The driver said.

“But you’re our ride! What if this place blows and we want to leave early?” Dennis asked.

The driver looked at him dispassionately. “That would be your problem, Mr. Reynolds. Good afternoon.”

The driver got back into the car and the limousine pulled away, leaving the three of them and the shouting bag standing in front of the large, slightly creepy hotel.

Mac sighed and leaned down, opening the top of the bag to let out a disheveled and slightly frantic Charlie. “Alright, alright, goddamit Charlie, stop yelling. We’re here.”

Mac untied his hands and Charlie leapt to his feet, pointing angrily at the three of them. “You guys didn’t even bother to knock me out this time! You just threw me in a bag!”

“We thought you’d get used to the whole ‘leaving Philly’ thing, buddy.” Dennis said.

“Well, I’m not! I’m not!” Charlie shouted, until he turned around to see the hotel they were standing in front of. “Holy shit, is this the place? It looks haunted.”

Mac threw his hands up. “That’s it! That’s why I don’t like it.”

Dennis stepped forward in front of the gang. “Okay, look. Disregarding the fact that ghosts aren’t real, and so this place is just a weird hotel in the middle of nowhere, are we going to let the fact that this isn’t exactly what we expected to put a dent in our plans? I’m still very interested in what this weekend can bring me.”

Dee frowned, looking skeptical. “I don’t know, Dennis. It doesn’t look like there will be any rich guys here, and that was kind of the whole point.”

“Appearances can be deceiving, Dee. We don’t know what’s waiting for us in there. It could be anything, and I, for one, am going to find out.” Dennis put his arm around Dee’s shoulder and tried to convince her of the possible benefits of this weekend.

Mac looked thoughtful as he picked up his bags and started carting them to the door. “You know, Charlie, the fact that this place is haunted is probably even better for us. I mean, you always find the best stuff in places where someone got murdered. They probably got murdered because of whatever we’re going to find in the walls.”

Charlie had quickly gotten over leaving Philly and was now focused on this hotel. “Dude, you’re right. And there’s definitely secret passages all over the place for the ghost to get around.”

Mac frowned. “Charlie, I’m pretty sure ghosts can walk through walls.”

“Then why are there always so many secret passages in ghost movies?” Charlie asked. Mac raised his eyebrows.

“You do raise a good point. Not for the reason I think you’re thinking, but still.”

The gang made it up to the door and walked in. If possible, the hotel got even creepier when they got inside. They were met with a giant stuffed bear with deer antlers attached to its head. The gang side-eyed that fixture as they made their way to the desk where there was a short woman with a scar going down the side of her face writing in a notebook. As the gang approached she looked up to see them and looked at them antagonistically.

“We’re here for the, uh, retreat, Brenda.” Dennis said, reading her nametag and sliding their invitation across the desk. The woman barely looked at it, but reached under the desk for four room keys which she placed into Dennis’ hands.

“Get settled into your rooms. Dinner is at eight thirty.” Dennis took them with some confusion and passed the keys, which all had their names written on them, to the rest of the gang.

They tramped up the stairs with all their bags, following the signs to their rooms on the third floor. All four of their rooms were across the hall from each other, and they paused before going into the room.

“This is weird, right?” Mac said, voicing all their thoughts.

“Oh, this is very weird.” Dee agreed, and Dennis and Charlie nodded their agreement. “This isn’t what I was expecting at all.”

“At this point, I just want to get really drunk and eat some food at the dinner.” Charlie said, unlocking his door.

“Yeah, I’m with Charlie. I brought three packs of beer just to be safe. I’m gonna dump my bags in my room, and then we’re gonna get smashed!” Mac yelled and entered his room.

Collectively, the four of them completely forgot about their plans for dinner when they entered their rooms. All four rooms were laid out in the same way, a bed, desk, chair, and dresser taking up the space near a conjoined bathroom with the next room.

Where the rooms differed, however, was the object laying across the bed.

Dee walked into her room and gasped, dropping her bags immediately. Laying across her bed was a wig, white and curly like that of an old lady. Dee shoved her back against the wall and checked suspiciously behind every cranny but there was no clue as to why this had been left on her bed. She reached out and gingerly picked it up with two fingers before throwing it into a dresser drawer and slamming it shut.

Mac didn’t notice his object at first because he was too busy searching the room for a mini-fridge for his beers. When he finally turned around, there was a shouted ‘Jesus Christ’ and one of his bag handles hit the edge of the bed. There was a massive stuffed bear with one eye missing and half its stuffing gone nailed to the headboard of his bed. Mac relaxed from his karate stance that he had only adopted after screaming and throwing a bag when he realized the bear was just a stuffed animal.

Dennis closed his door and locked it, placing his bag on the bed only to find a long butcher knife resting gently on a white handkerchief. He froze, looking around him to make sure there was nobody there until he lowered himself beside the blade and running his hands over it reverently. There was no clue or message around it, but he nodded, seeing this as the beginning of a challenge that he was more than ready to accept.

Charlie entered his room to find the most disturbing gift of the four of them- except he didn’t really notice it. There were five jars of flies arrayed around his bed with a single rat tail in the center. Charlie threw his bag onto the bed, dislodging the jar and went to look in the bathroom for any cleaning supplies he might huff if this weekend went downhill. Being unsuccessful, he came back and decided to sit down on his bed. Only then did he notice the jars of flies. He picked one up in interest before shrugging and sliding them onto the ground so he could stretch out on the whole bed.

By the time dinnertime came around, Dennis and Dee had cleaned up while Charlie and Mac had become, if possible, more grimy and drunk. Dennis took one look at them and shook his head. “Right, I’m going to need you guys to stay away from me for the dinner, you’re bringing me down. Pretend you don’t know me.”

Charlie belched and crushed a beer can under his foot. “I thought we already established there won’t be any rich chicks here for you to bang, Dennis.”

Dee stepped up, trying to look intimidating. “If either of you sons of bitches ruins this for me, I will end your lives.”

Charlie laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think you need any help from us to ruin this for yourself.” Mac guffawed and high-fived Charlie. None of them mentioned the odd presents they had received.

As the four of them entered the dining room, they finally saw the other inhabitants of the hotel. There were quite a few people ambling around the dining room in small groups. They were all secretly a little relieved that they were not the only invites to this hotel.The only problem was, most of these people looked like regular fixtures of the hotel, wearing dark plaid and expressions on their faces like they had been present to personally witness the atrocities of the Civil War.

There were a few exceptions to this creepy rule, and Dennis and Dee latched on to those few, assessing the possible targets. Dee was very interested in a tall man in a dark suit who was checking his watch in boredom by the window, while Dennis was zoned in on two women in glittery sweaters.

Dee dropped her phone, but before she could lean down to pick it up, Dennis was there to pick it up, and he brushed it off, making sure it wasn’t cracked before handing it back to her carefully.

“What are you doing?” Dee asked, instantly suspicious.

“I’m demonstrating my value.” Dennis said, not looking at Dee, but subtly looking to see if the two women were looking at him. “I’m helping out a woman I would clearly never sleep with, so it’s an altruistic act. Those women will be all over me in a few minutes. Just watch.” He walked off to make the first move, and Dee rolled her eyes.

“I don’t know, you guys, what’s my best chance with that guy? What kind of woman do you think he’s into?” Dee hung back with Charlie and Mac.

“Prostitutes.” Mac quipped, and Charlie snorted.

Dee glared at him. “You know what, dickhole? I’m gonna get this guy all on my own. Just watch.” Dee walked over, trying to emphasize her backless dress as much as possible, and actually managed to get the Rolex guy to look up at her in interest, his eyebrows raised.

Charlie and Mac pulled beers out of their pockets and chugged them in the corner, drawing strange looks from a few people.

The woman from the front desk, Brenda, stepped into the room and cleared her throat, drawing people’s attention.

“Good evening, everyone. Welcome to our opening dinner. In the other room is a five-course dinner followed by a demonstration for the group. Tomorrow in the morning, the weekend’s events will begin. There will be skeet shooting as well as a scavenger hunt. I hope you all enjoy yourselves tonight.” She smiled thinly and opened the door behind her. Her eyes seemed to linger on Charlie and Mac in the corner before leaving the room.

The entire group filed into the dining room and took their places around the table. Dee and Dennis had managed to ensnare their respective targets for the moment, and sat down besides them. Charlie and Mac ended up at the other end of the table. One of the especially scary guys sat down next to them, and Mac was weirded out to see the guy had a wooden eye that was almost bulging out of his eye socket. He turned to Charlie to suggest they move, but everyone had already taken their seats and he was stuck there.

Mac forgot all about his table partner when the door opened and three waiters came in carrying giant plates of food. Charlie and Mac’s jaws dropped, and they elbowed people out of the way to get to the food first, stuffing bread rolls in their mouths so fast all their words came out around mouthfuls of bread.

The man next to Mac pulled out a knife. Mac jumped back expecting to get stabbed, but the guy was just using it to cut an entire slice of ham from the plate next to him. Still uneasy as the man started to sharpen his knife, Mac pulled out his fourth beer of the night and began to drink.

The people around them were mostly involved in their own conversations, and once Charlie finished inhaling his food, he belched and sat back, watching the people around them. Dee seemed to be having more luck than Dennis as she was currently leaned in close to her Rolex guy, giggling loudly and clearly fakely at something he said. Dennis, on the other hand, was pushing his food around his plate as the women he was after talked to each other instead of him. He looked jealously over at Dee and ate a brussel sprout with resentment.

Charlie pushed back his chair. “I’m going to the kitchen. I’m going to eat the leftovers.” He said, and Mac looked after him in confusion.

“Why would you want to eat the leftovers if there’s still food on the table?” Mac asked, but Charlie was not a man who could be questioned, and he left the awkward dinner behind him, following the smell of food that was wafting from the other room. He could hear the clatter of dishes and shouted instructions from the cooks.

He turned down the last hallway to see the double swinging doors leading to the kitchen, however his attention was pulled by another door off to the side that was gaping open. There were a pair of feet sticking out and, curious, Charlie walked over, peeking his head around the corner.

Where a man’s head should be was a mass of blood and other unidentified viscera. The man lay facedown, his head bashed in and his feet sticking out from the door. Charlie’s mouth dropped open and he backed away down the hall and back to his seat in the dining room, dropping down next to Mac in shock.

“Dude, I think I just found a dead guy.”

**Chapter 3: Mac and Charlie Become Detectives**

Charlie led Mac to the dead body in the the other room. Mac’s only response was a quick ‘Oh shit’. 

“Should we tell someone?” Charlie asked.

Mac made a face. “If we do, the police will show up, and then we’ll have to answer a bunch of questions, and it will take forever, dude. Maybe we should just, leave him here? Let someone else find him?”

“I bet this happened during dinner. I mean, the guy hasn’t been here long.” Charlie said thoughtfully, getting as close as he could without gagging on the smell.

Mac nudged the dead guy with his shoe. He didn’t move and Mac started pulling on Charlie’s arm. “Come on, we should go back to dinner or they’ll definitely be suspicious when they find this guy.”

The two of them turned around and shrieked because someone was standing right behind them. They quickly recognized Dennis and relaxed.

“Jesus Christ, dude, I could have killed you with my lightning-fast reflexes!” Mac said, making a series of half-assed karate noises.

Dennis rolled his eyes, deciding not to open that can of worms. “What are you guys doing? I bailed on those women for the moment. I decided to give them a little space to think about my absence, maybe speed up to the nurturing dependence step.” He stepped forward and saw the dead guy behind the door, which Charlie and Mac were half-heartedly trying to hide. Dennis’ eyes turned dark, and he gazed in silence for a moment.

“Did you two kill this guy?” Dennis asked. He almost sounded hurt that they hadn’t included him in the plan, but Charlie interrupted that line of thought.

“No, man. I just found him here. We figured we should just let it go, let somebody else find the guy.” Charlie said.

“What if they trace him back to your absence at dinner? This is a dangerous game you’re playing, Charlie.” Dennis said, suddenly very interested in their side plot.

Their conversation was interrupted when Dee walked around the corner, making a face. “Where have you guys been? The last course has been over for ten minutes now. There’s going to be a magician or something stupid.”

“Where’s Rolex guy? Did you really blow it already?” Dennis laughed, trying to cover up the fact that he was doing so badly with his own conquests.

Dee gave him a smug look. “Actually, I got his number. Suck on that. He said he is very interested in spending time with me tomorrow. All I got from your end was skeeved-out looks from those girls you were clamping on to. Guess the golden god isn’t doing so hot, huh?”

She smirked widely, and Dennis looked more uncomfortable with her jabs than he wanted to let on. Luckily, he had the perfect distraction to bring her attention away from their bet.

“There’s a dead guy in that closet.” He said bluntly. The ‘distraction’ worked like a charm, and Dee gasped when she looked in and saw the guy.

“Oh shit, that’s bad.” She said, making a face. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you? It’s just, if the police show up, and this becomes a whole thing, it might blow my chances with Rolex guy, and it’s going so well…” Dee finished her plea, and the other three shrugged.

“It would ruin the weekend for us,” Dennis said slowly, looking for approval from the rest of the group.

“It would almost make more sense for us to find the killer ourselves,” Charlie suggested. “I mean, that way, we can hold off until the end of the weekend and then leave the police a note or something.”

“Yeah!” Mac agreed. “The guy’s already dead, it’s not like he’s gonna care if it takes a couple extra days for the police to be notified.”

“Actually, the likelihood of the killer being one of the people at dinner is pretty high. I’m sure I could suss out who the perpetrator is pretty nicely.” Dennis said, getting a weird look in his eye.

“Your creepy connection to serials killers notwithstanding,” Dee began, “I don’t actually care if we find the killer, as long as nothing happens before the weekend is over and I have a new car and access to Rolex guy’s credit card.”

Charlie nodded, seeing an opportunity for him in all this. “This might be the perfect opportunity to bring out the old Detective Kelly.”

Dee scoffed. “You mean in 9th grade how you would go around trying to figure out who spit on the walls and cross-examining people?”

Dennis raised his eyebrows, remembering this. “Which most of the time was you. Yeah, and you wore that coat that was too big for you, and it annoyed the shit out of everyone.”

Mac shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought the coat was pretty badass.”

Dennis shook his head. “Mac, I know how to finesse information out of people. I can ask them questions, and they won’t even realize they confessed to a murder, but I’ll know. I’ll know.”

Mac pointed a thumb back to Charlie. “Yeah, that sounds long and boring as shit, Dennis. I’m with Charlie on this one. Detectives are way more badass. And they get all the chicks.”

“Yeah, totally. Chicks dig detectives.” Charlie added, wondering if the Waitress liked detectives. Mac was wondering what he would look like if he brought the duster out again.

Their plan then decided, the four of them grabbed the dead man’s feet and shoved them into the closet and shut the door. They walked back down the hall, intending to rejoin the party out on the lawn, where there was the soft pop of cheap fireworks.

Dennis and Dee drifted off to rejoin their targets. Charlie and Mac sat against the brick wall and watched as the various party guests lined up to set off sparklers.

Charlie was deep in thought for once, taking a look at all of the guests. “Who here looks the most guilty?”

Mac had other things on his mind. “Yeah, dude, I don’t care. What do you think we should wear?”

Charlie blinked at him. “Wear?”

“Yeah. I mean, all the best detectives have badass clothes. People won’t know how awesome we are if we’re not dressed right.” Mac scuffed his feet and considered his options.

Charlie snapped his fingers. “Well, we need sunglasses.”

“Obviously, dude. I’m thinking this is the perfect time to get out the duster again.” Mac said. “I brought it with me, just in case. It’s a good thing I did now. We’re going to need it.”

Charlie nodded. “I did bring Frank’s trenchcoat. I stole it a while ago, and I keep it on hand for emergencies.”

Another volley of fireworks went off and Mac jumped up, getting excited. “We can be matching, but also opposite! We can be Detective White and Detective Black. I’ll be the muscle, obviously, and you can be the weird one that gets people to confess because of all that freaky shit you do. You should play up Charlie Work as much as you can.”

Charlie frowned. “How will talking about rat-bashing get someone to confess to murder?”

“It works on all those detective shows. You do something bizarre and then you catch them off guard so that they tell you their whole plan.” Mac said.

Charlie was nodding along. “Yeah, maybe I can catch them out on bird law.”

Mac and Charlie continued discussing the necessities of dressing and acting like a detective for a while as the rest of the guests began to file back into the hotel, completely forgetting to look for suspects, because the most important part of being a detective in their minds was the look. They thought that if they talked the talk, the walk would follow somehow.

**Chapter 4: Mac and Charlie Find a Secret Passage**

Dee opened her eyes, glaring in irritation at the sun coming in through the windows and the birds chirping. She rolled over, shoving Rolex guy’s arm off of her in annoyance and getting out of bed.

I’m going to have to learn this guy’s name at some point, she thought, pulling on her jeans and shirt. She headed for the door, but saw that Rolex guy was still snoring and his wallet and phone were on the dresser. Tiptoeing over, she opened the wallet. Pocketing half of his cash, she looked at the address on the ID. He had an address on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and she pumped a fist.

“Jackpot,” She hissed and replaced his wallet, pulling the door closed behind her. Walking down the hall, she was about to head down to her room, when she saw Dennis jiggling the handle on a room that wasn’t his.

“Dennis, what are you doing?” She asked.

Dennis jumped and tensed until he saw it was Dee, and relaxed again. He thumbed at the door like he was beginning to come up with an excuse, but his mouth hung open.

Dee looked at him, unimpressed. “You’re trying to break into the room of those women, aren’t you?”

“I’m not breaking in, I’m making sure they locked their door. There are lots of crazies out there. Imagine what they would do.”

“Yeah, imagine. Well, while you’re stalking women who don’t want to sleep with you, I’m buttering up Rolex guy. It’s only a matter of time until he buys me a car and boatloads of clothes. Suck on that, Dennis. Looks like Sweet Dee is coming out on top.” Dee got in his face and gloated a little before heading down the stairs to breakfast.

The woman from the desk, Brenda, was coming out of the dining room as Dee walked past. “I just wanted to let you know that there will be a couple’s game of croquet out on the front lawn in an hour and a half, and all the guests are asked to attend.” Brenda seemed to carry a special kind of resentment towards everything about this weekend, and walked off to complete another menial task in the kitchen.

By the time everyone was awake and gathered on the front lawn, the clouds above were starting to look menacing, rolling clouds threatening rain. Rolex Guy had woken up and joined Dee, giving her a warm smile and a hug. Dee smiled weakly and rolled her eyes behind his back. This was always the most tedious part. She didn’t actually care about anything this guy had to say, she was just here for the money.

Brenda started handing clubs to all of the participating players. Miraculously, Dennis had managed to snag one of the women to be his partner for the croquet game. He was leaning in close next to her, and talking quietly about the rules of croquet. Dee rolled her eyes, as she had seen him reading the Wikipedia article on croquet before the game. However, the brunette he was talking to seemed to be interested in what he had to say. Dennis’ method of divide and conquer seemed to be working.

“What the shit is croquet?” Charlie asked loudly. Mac was standing next to him, eyeing the game suspiciously. The both of them were wearing sunglasses despite the dark day and inexplicably both had long jackets on.

Dee scoffed and turned her attention to the game. Towards the beginning of the game, her goal was flirting with Rolex Guy, but she started to notice that Dennis and his lady were doing quite well. Dee and Rolex Guy were still in first place, but Dennis was catching up. He hit his blue ball through the horseshoe, gaining him a point and putting him in a tie with Dee. He looked up at her and gave her a wide smile.

Dee narrowed her eyes and turned to Rolex Guy. “Okay, we have to win. You need to bring your A-Game, because there’s no way I’m losing to my brother. He’s catching up, I can’t have that.”

Rolex Guy looked taken aback with her sudden enthusiasm for the game of croquet, but nodded and recommitted to the game.

Through each subsequent round, one of the twins gained an advantage over the other, just to be pushed back. The brunette and Rolex Guy were increasingly put on the sidelines of Dennis and Dee’s blood feud. It got to the point where Dee would put a ball through the horseshoe and do a celebratory dance, getting up in Dennis’ face. He got increasingly agitated and determined to show Dee up until their two teams were ahead of all the other teams by at least 20 points.

It was finally the last round of the game, much to the relief of everyone else playing. Dennis was lining up his shot and everyone was watching him. He was basking in the attention, feeling in tune with the grass, his body, and the mallet. Dennis was just about to take his swing when one of the men standing beside clutched his chest. For the entirety of the game, he had been complaining about having to see his ex-wife at this event, and the absence of his complaining was immediately noticeable.

Dennis didn’t pay any attention to the man’s gasping until he wheezed dramatically and fell straight onto the horseshoe. Dennis’ ball coasted and hit the man in the nose. People gasped, but nobody moved for a moment, wondering if the man was going to stand up. His face was glassy and his mouth lolled open, his empty wine glass rolling at his feet.

Finally, someone screamed and one of the men standing next to him ran forward, putting his fingers against the dead man’s throat. “He’s dead.” He stated in disbelief. Dennis stared at the dead man, his eyes slanted up and looking right at Dennis. He exhaled shakily, putting down the mallet.

Brenda and one of the other staff from the hotel ran out and waved people off.

“Aren’t you going to call an ambulance or something?” Dennis’s partner Linda asked frantically.

Brenda looked up helplessly. “We can’t. The emergency lines are all tied up today and tomorrow because of the storm. There was a flash flood 20 miles away. There’s nothing we can do.”

There was some more arguing from the guests, and then finally a few of the guests helped the staff carry the dead man back into the hotel.

Charlie and Mac stood off to the side, arms crossed and eyes narrowed, although nobody could see that behind the sunglasses.

“Interesting…” Charlie said in a gruff voice. “Party guests are dropping like flies.”

“The trail is still warm. We should interview whoever we can before they clam up.” Mac said, flipping the tail of his duster to make sure it looked good.

Mac and Charlie approached the first person they saw, making an effort to walk in unison. The woman was still in shock, and seemed not to understand why both of them were wearing sunglasses.

“What did you see, ma’am?” Charlie asked, his voice pitched extra low.

She looked at them in confusion. “Everything you saw. That guy just keeled over. This is terrible. If there are no emergency services, then we’re stuck here for a while. I don’t even have a car to get out of here.”

“What was your relationship to the dead man? Did you know his name?” Mac said, his voice going even lower than Charlie’s.

“His name was Kevin, and I didn’t know him.” She paused here, and looked at them in suspicion. “Why are you asking me all these questions? Don’t you think you’re being a little insensitive, the man just died.” The woman said, walking away.

Mac and Charlie shrugged and moved on to the next person. Charlie was determined to go lower with his voice and started the conversation “Do you know of any reason why someone would want to kill Kevin?”

The couple they were speaking stared at them The woman offered Charlie a cough drop which was declined. “I think he had a heart attack. Could you please not do whatever it is you’re doing?”

Mac and Charlie kept going around the party, but they didn’t have any luck, although by the end of their questioning, their voices were so low they were nearly growling at the interviewees, their noises sounding vaguely like real words.

When all of the guests had wandered off Mac sighed. “This is going nowhere, Charlie. Our interview techniques aren’t working at all.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I swiped that guy’s room key.” Charlie said, dangling the key from two fingers.

Mac’s eyes widened and he grabbed it and tucked it into his pocket. “Shit Charlie, let’s go.”

The two of them climbed the stairs in the hotel, searching out Kevin’s room using his key. By this time, the storm was closer. They could hear thunder booming in the distance.

They arrived at Room 51 and unlocked it, slipping inside before anyone could see them. Mac headed straight for the dresser, but Charlie froze just inside the doorway, staring around at the objects in the room.

“This looks exactly like my room.” Charlie said suspiciously, running his hand over the same rocking chair that sat in his hotel room.

Mac barely looked up, too busy rifling through the dead man’s suitcase. “Well yeah, Charlie, it’s a hotel room. I bet all the rooms look the same.” 

Charlie scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, Mac. There are probably hundreds of rooms in this hotel. They can’t all look the same.”

That made Mac look up. “There aren’t hundreds of rooms in this place. Maybe a couple dozen, at the most.”

Charlie ran his hand over the wall, giving Mac a deprecating look. “I don’t think that’s true, Mac.”

“Have you ever been in a hotel before, dude?” Mac opened the dresser drawers, only to find some mothballs and a notepad.

“I’ve barely been out of Philly. What do you think?” Charlie said, standing precariously on the chair to knock on the wall.

Mac gave up on his useless search of the dead man’s possessions. “What are you doing?”

Charlie didn’t look at him, reaching his hand up to check the cracks on the wall. “I’m feeling for rot, or mice holes. Rodents of any kind, really. This guy might have been poisoned by rats.”

Mac threw his hands up, turning around to leave the room. “You think he was poisoned by rats? This is ridiculous, I’m outta here.”

Charlie jumped down and pushed his hand into a small divot in the wall. The fissure gave way, and there was a soft click as part of the wall opened.

Mac froze, hearing the wall open. He didn’t turn around for a moment. “Is that what I think it is, Charlie?”

Charlie grinned, sticking his head into the space. “It’s a fucking secret passage, Mac. We hit the jackpot.”

Mac spun around, eyes wide when he saw the dark space leading from the hotel room.

“Holy shit, dude! I can’t believe this, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Mac said, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

Both Mac and Charlie were grinning, hovering around the secret passage in trepidation.

“Maybe you should go first, Charlie. I mean, you spend all your time in the walls anyway.” Mac said, a little nervous.

“You’re the Sheriff of Paddy’s, or whatever ridiculous thing you’d like us to call you.” Charlie shot back.

After a moment’s impasse, they both stepped forward at the same time, inching into the narrow space in the wall. They had to turn sideway to fit, and Mac’s arm ended up mashed against the wall behind Charlie. The space was so narrow their clothes scraped against it as they moved. As they walked fully into the secret passage, Mac’s other hand brushed something on the wall and the opening closed, plunging the two of them into darkness.

Neither of them moved for a second, and then Mac shrieked a little. Charlie pretended he didn’t hear him, and Mac threw his hand out, running it all over the wall to find the opening. The door stayed closed, and then they realized they were stuck in the secret passage.

“Shit,” Charlie hissed. “Get your phone out. We can use it like a flashlight.”

Mac fumbled his phone out of his pocket and held it out. The passage stretched behind the walls, clearly extending through the rest of the rooms in the hallway. They inched forward a few more feet, Mac clutching Charlie’s arm and Charlie pretending not to notice.

After only the length of one room, Charlie ground to a halt. “There’s a hole in the floor, and there’s a knotted rope going down it.”

Mac peered down as well, his eyes wide. “What do you think’s down there?”

Charlie pulled his arm out of Mac’s grasp and sunk down on his haunches, dropping his feet into the space and holding onto the rope. He lowered himself into the hole. Mac followed him., Mac put his phone away, grasping the rope with both hands and they made their descent in complete darkness, the only sound their labored breathing.

Finally, Charlie’s feet hit the ground and he moved aside so Mac could drop beside him. Mac got his phone out and turned it on, blinding Charlie. Charlie hit the phone aside so he could see. They were standing in a big area with a very low ceiling. They had to crouch down to enter into the space, and they resorted to crawling on their hands and knees.

Mac started coughing almost immediately. “There’s so much dust down here.”

Charlie was ahead of him, and was taking the brunt of all the cobwebs, but he seemed to be holding up better. He spent so much time in basements and sewers anyway that he was practically immune to this kind of stuff.

There was a faint light coming from ahead of them, and Mac turned off his cell phone while they crawled toward the light, which they could see was another door. While Charlie knelt by the door and ran his hands all over the walls, Mac sat back, but his hand brushed something solid and sticky, and his heart almost stopped.

“Charlie,” He hissed.

Charlie ignored him, wriggling his fingers into a promising point.

Mac turned his phone on whatever it was he was touching. He gasped, feeling a little sick. One of the croquet mallets was sitting by the wall, and it was covered in blood, hair, and what looked like bits of brain.

Mac caught glimpse of a small, transparent bottle right next to the mallet as Charlie found the right divot and the door swung open. Mac picked up the bottle, and didn’t understand most of the chemical symbols on the bottle, but the ‘Highly Toxic’ warning was hard to misinterpret.

Charlie was crawling out of the secret passage until he saw Mac’s pale face. “What the shit is that?” He asked, crawling over.

“Oh, shit.” Charlie said, looking up at Mac.

“Yeah, oh shit.” Mac said.

**Chapter 5: Dennis Thinks Like a Serial Killer**

The gang stood all together as Brenda and the other staff stood in front of all the guests, trying to calm them and answer all their questions.

“As you know, there won’t be any access to emergency services for at least two days due to the flash flooding. I’m afraid our driver won’t be able to get back to us until then as well. As much as it pains me to say this, you all have to stay here at least until the end of the original weekend plan.” Brenda said, her hands held up in supplication.

There were quite a few complaints from the guests, but they were halfhearted complaints. Everyone knew she was right, and more than half of them still wanted to continue with the retreat.

“The staff and I,” Brenda continued, “believe that there is no point in postponing the weekend’s activities. Banding together might help us put this tragedy out of our minds.”

People were shrugging in agreement, and Dee leaned over to the rest of them.

“If I’m being honest, I would have been pretty disappointed if we didn’t get the rest of this stupid weekend. I mean, we all drove all the way up here.” Dee said, and the other three nodded in agreement.

Brenda was still speaking, and they tuned in. “The next activity demands that you all form groups. There will be a scavenger hunt in the woods. The first team to gather all of the varied objects on the list will receive a prize.”

“What kind of prize?” Dennis shouted.

Brenda looked startled and slightly annoyed. “The prize will be revealed at the end of the scavenger hunt.”

“I bet it’s really lame.” Dennis snorted.

“I still really want it though.” Dee added. Charlie and Mac nodded.

The party guests split up into four teams. The gang ended up together with Rolex Guy and Dennis’ two friends.

Mac looked at the objective list in exasperation. “What the hell are these things? Find something that gives you joy. Easy.” Mac shotgunned a beer and then crushed the can under his foot, holding it up for the rest of the group. “One down, what’s next on the list.”

Charlie grabbed the list and looked at it for a few moments, nodding sagely as if he understood what was on the paper. Dennis and Dee were unimpressed, their eyebrows raised.

“Well, Charlie? What’s next on the list?” Dennis said, deciding to humor him.

Charlie looked up. “4 pairs of Levi jeans.”

Dee rolled her eyes, grabbing the paper out of Charlie’s hands. “It says 4 kinds of leaves, dumbass.”

The group finally set out. They were walking across the field next to the hotel. The farther they got from the hotel, the more obvious it was that the storm that had hit miles away was coming towards them. It had been cloudy all morning, but the innocent clouds were getting darker by the minute, and they could hear thunder in the distance.

“Let’s try to hurry up this list, guys. I don’t really want to be caught out in this storm.” Mac said nervously. Everyone else agreed. Their tight-knit group didn’t last very long once they passed the tree line. The trees engulfed them and the babbling from the other teams disappeared. Rolex Guy and the other two women were frowning and subdued, not having recovered from the dead man keeling over in front of them.

The gang was more desensitized to death, and they had fully invested themselves in the scavenger hunt. They quickly found three more things on the list, a stone with strange markings on it, an empty birds’ nest, and a pair of shoes tied together and hanging from a tree branch. They dropped each new item into Dee’s bag and crossed them off the list with glee. Through the trees came the excited shouts of “Found it!” and Dennis frowned.

“We still have five things on the list. I think that if we split up, we might be able to get ahead of the rest of the groups.” He said. Everyone else agreed, and after some shuffling their group split into three and they ran off in opposite directions. To his chagrin, Dennis ended up with Rolex Guy, who was unfortunately very friendly. Instead of focusing on their objective, the man wanted to get to know Dennis better.

“I’ve been getting to know your sister, Deandra over the past couple days. She’s a real firecracker.” The man said seriously.

Dennis rolled his eyes and looked up at all the tree branches. Their object was a red ribbon threaded through the trees, but despite the contrast of red on the green of leaves, Dennis couldn’t see a red ribbon anywhere.

He picked up speed, hearing Rolex Guy shout in confusion behind him. Once he had gone a sufficient distance away from the man, Dennis walked left, hiding behind a huge tree trunk while Rolex Guy ran around trying to find him.

After a few moments, Dennis figured he could come out from behind the tree. After walking up and down the treeline for fifteen minutes, Dennis could safely say he was lost. He looked consideringly at a tree, wondering if he should climb it to see the way back to the hotel. As he hoisted a leg into a divot, there was a small, repeated sound from behind him. Dennis spun around, hearing the sound again.

“What are you doing?” A woman’s voice asked shrilly. Dennis stiffened, walking forward and peering out from behind a tree into a small clearing. A woman stood in front of a gaping hole in the ground, hands held in the air. There was another figure in a dark hood pointing a shotgun at her. The figure was silent while the woman went from angry to pleading.

“It was all an accident, you have to understand that!” The woman said desperately, trying to stop the figure from approaching. This didn’t do anything, as the figure walked forward and nudged the woman with the point of the shotgun. The woman tottered over the edge of the hole, grabbing the barrel of the shotgun desperately. Her eyes skittered around the clearing for something to help her when she locked on to the sight of Dennis standing beyond the treeline. She looked at him and pleaded silently with him to do something.

Dennis hesitated, one foot poised to walk out, but something held him back. He wanted to see what would happen if he stayed put.

With a final shriek, the woman lost her grip on the shotgun and went hurtling into the hole below where there was a sickening crunch as her body hit. Dennis’s eyes were wide and his breath shuddered as he breathed unevenly. He thought about how amazing it was to witness that firsthand. It was so intimate, even though he was standing 30 feet away.

The figure stood and looked down into the hole for a moment before stepping back and heading for the other side of the clearing. Right before they passed the edge of the treeline, they stopped and looked back right at Dennis. He was caught, and neither of them moved for a moment. The figure’s face was in shadow, and Dennis could only see the curl of their mouth under the hood. Dennis waited with bated breath for the figure to bring up the shotgun, but instead they turned and walked away, disappearing into the trees.

Dennis released his held breath and held up his hands, noticing that they were shaking. He stepped forward with unsteady legs to look down into the hole. It was deeper than he had though, extending deep into the ground. The woman’s body was laying at the bottom of the ditch, blood smearing one of the rocks poking out of the foundation.

Dennis was half-considering lowering himself into the hole when he heard shouts of discovery from various groups in the woods. He turned tail and ran back to them.

By the time Dennis reunited with the rest of the group, they could hear the sound of rain hitting the canopy up above, none reaching them because of the leaf cover. Everyone else held up their objects from the run. Even Rolex Guy had managed to find the red ribbon, although he gave Dennis a dirty look after abandoning him. Dennis didn’t care, and he was barely paying attention to their conversations as they made their way out of the woods and back across the field to the hotel.

It was raining hard enough for everyone to pull their jackets over their heads and half-run until they reached the balcony over the porch. By then, the other groups were filtering back as well. They made their way into the lobby, and Dennis shook his head, realizing that Mac was asking him a question.

“What?” He asked, snapping back into focus.

Mac gave him a weird look. “I said, where did you go? In the woods?”

“Oh, right that, I, uh, was looking for the red ribbon, but I couldn’t find it anywhere.” Dennis said, avoiding Mac’s gaze.

“It’s just that you came back all sweaty and weird. I was wondering what you were doing.” Mac said suspiciously.

“The woods are a big place. I just got kind of turned around.” Dennis said unconvincingly.

Mac was going to retort when Brenda appeared, calling attention to the rest of the party guests. “I see all the groups have returned.”

She was cut off by one of the women in the other groups raising her hand. “Sally hasn’t returned. We split up in the woods, but she never came back.” The woman and the rest of the group looked worried, and Brenda looked crushed by yet another disaster.

“I’m sure she’ll make her way back. It’s only a matter of time. She probably got a little turned around.” Brenda said. Dennis stayed silent.

“It’s starting to pour out there!” The woman said in anger.

“And are you volunteering to go out there and find Sally?” Brenda asked dryly. The woman stayed silent.

Brenda held up her hands to appease the crowd. “The likelihood that Sally will be back within the hour is very high. We have the emergency crews coming tomorrow afternoon, and there is simply nothing we can do until then.”

The crowd continued to argue with Brenda, but the gang had heard enough. They slipped off to the dining room, which was standing empty.

“They didn’t even say who won the contest.” Charlie said, disappointed. They still had the full bag of all the objectives, and Charlie dropped it on the ground.

“There’s a woman missing. Maybe there are more important things going on than a scavenger hunt.” Dennis said absently.

Charlie, Mac, and Dee gave Dennis a weird look at this surprisingly sensitive comment. Charlie opened his mouth, but Dennis had already backed up and headed for the stairs, wavering a little.

Dee watched him go, frowning in confusion at his weird behavior. Charlie and Mac were looking at each other, eyebrows raised. Charlie dipped his head to the side and Mac thumbed back at the forest behind them. Charlie shrugged and Mac put his hands up. After this silent conversation, they turned to Dee.

“Dee, your brother is a murderer.” Mac said bluntly.

Dee turned away from the stairwell, giving Mac a weird look. “What are you talking about?”

Charlie stepped forward, putting a hand on Dee’s shoulder. “Just think about it, Dee. Why was Dennis acting so weird? Why is that woman missing?”

“Dennis always acts weird, that’s nothing new.” Dee said, unimpressed.

“But people don’t always drop dead around him.” Mac said.

Dee shrugged. “Actually, people seem to die around us with surprising regularity, but I see your point. And, if I’m being completely honest, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if I found out Dennis was a murderer.”

Charlie and Mac nodded in agreement.

**Chapter 6: Dee Gets Chased By a Serial Killer**

An hour later, the remaining party guests had gathered in the lounge, half-heartedly organizing a charades game to last the evening.

Rolex Guy had taken the disappearance of another party guest hard and had gone up to his room, and Dee rolled her eyes, joining Charlie and Mac in the back of the room. 

They were busy trying to distract the other players, shouting misleading guesses and loudly singing the Jeopardy theme song.

One of the party guests was standing at the head of the room, unsuccessfully trying to portray her clue. Charlie had figured out three minutes ago that she was trying to mime Terminator but tried to lead the group away from that, making snide comments about rom-coms to throw everyone off, and it was working.

The woman was finally about to give up, moving to go back to her chair when the lights flickered and went out without warning. Everyone froze and someone screamed. In the time between the conclusion of the scavenger hunt and now the storm outside had only grown stronger, the wind picking up and howling outside, rain drumming against the hotel windows and soaking the ground outside.

There was a roll of thunder as the lights went around. It seemed the storm had finally knocked the power out. The room was in complete darkness, and people started to shuffle towards the exit, hands held out in front of them, tripping over chairs and each other.

“I will take the lead out of the room, taking into consideration my extensive night training.” Mac said, standing up out of his seat. Dee and Charlie rolled their eyes, considering the death grip Mac currently had on their arms and the high-pitched squeak his voice emerged as.

There were quite a few shrieks and grunts as people ran into each other, and someone fell over, scattering their chair and letting out a choked gurgle. Someone found the door, and opened it. At that moment, a flash of lightning illuminated the room for a few seconds. Lying right next to the window was the woman trying to do the Terminator charade. Her neck had been garrotted, and she was lying in her own blood, eyes looking up sightlessly.

There was a shocked pause and then when the lightning went and the room fell into darkness, the screaming and shoving started. There was a wild stampede for the door. Mac panicked, every elbow jutting into his side was surely the murderer’s and he started windmilling his arms, elbowing everyone around him and even punching somebody in the nose.

Once the crowd cleared the room and made it into the hallway, everyone scattered, some heading for the door, the kitchens, or their rooms.

Mac was yelling, shaking Charlie and Dee. “We have to go! We have to go now or we’re going to get chopped up into bits! I don’t want to be chopped into bits, Charlie! Let’s go, let’s go!”

Dee was trying to keep a lid on her panic, but she knew that as the most attractive woman here the serial killer would obviously be after her next. “We don’t have a car, idiot! We’re stuck here until tomorrow when the paramedics get here.”

Mac whined. “We’re going to die. Oh, my God, we’re going to die.”

Charlie piped up. “We have to defend ourselves, guys! Let’s get some knives from the kitchen.” He started pulling away, but Mac gripped him and pulled him back.

“Are you crazy, dude? The killer is probably already there, grabbing his tools so he can torture all of us. He’s going to stab you, and then he’s going to stab me. He’ll probably cut Dee’s fingers off before he kills her.” Mac said, his voice high and panicky.

“Hey!” Dee yelled.

It was too late, however. Charlie pulled out of Mac’s grip and ran away, and it was too dark to see him. Mac tried to go after him, but couldn’t see anything.

“It’s too late for Charlie, let’s go, Mac! We have to hole up in a room until morning. If we lock the door, it’ll be fine.” Dee screamed, dragging Mac towards the stairs. They tripped up them until they reached the second floor. There was another lightning flash which illuminated the hallway. The rest of the screaming hotel guests had disappeared, and the hallway was deserted.

Mac fumbled in his pocket for his room key, but Dee grabbed his arm.

“Wait, wait. Mac, what about Dennis?” She said.

“Forget Dennis. He’s probably the one who garrotted that girl.” Mac said breathlessly, unlocking his door and stepping inside. “Are you coming?”

Dee only took a moment, looking at him and then running the other way towards Dennis’ room. Mac shouted “Have fun getting murdered!” and slammed his door, locking it.

Dee ran down the hallway, stopping outside Dennis’ room and pounding on the door.

“Dennis!” She shrieked. “Dennis, get out here.”

There was no response for a few moments, but then Dennis answered from the other side of the door. He sounded strained. “What is it, Dee? I don’t have time for whatever it is you care about right now.”

“Dennis, the power went out and someone got murdered. Everyone is panicking and running all over the place. There’s a killer running around!” Dee hissed through the door.

Dennis made no exclamation of surprise about a murderer running around, but he opened the door slowly. Dee slipped inside, slamming the door shut.

Dee got sidetracked from the serial killer business when she got into Dennis’ room. He had the whole place illuminated by candles, and there were a suspicious amount of Kleenexes in the trash.

Dee narrowed her eyes. “What were you doing in here?”

Dennis looked strained, and he stood apart from Dee, holding himself strangely. “That’s no matter, Deandra. I think the best option in this situation is just to wait until morning. It’s not like we have any transportation.”

Dee gave him a look. “You’re not worried about the serial killer running around in the slightest.”

Dennis closed his eyes. Every word he chose was picked very deliberately, and he looked as if he were under great duress. “I think it would be best if you left now, Dee.”

Dee looked like she was about to argue with him, but Dennis simply pushed her out of the room, and the door slammed in her face.

Dee was raising her hand to start pounding on the door again when she glanced to her left and, in a flash of lightning, saw someone standing at the end of the hallway. In the next flash, Dee noticed two things. One, although she was too far away to see their face, she could tell they were wearing a curly white wig, a lot like the one she had found in her room earlier. Second, they were carrying a huge mallet in their hand and looking directly at her.

Dee breathed in, “Oh shit” and took off down the hallway, hearing the person’s footsteps echo behind her. Dee discovered that when her adrenaline was pumping, she could actually run pretty fast.

“Help!” She shrieked, running down the main stairs as fast as she could, but the entire place was deserted, and if anyone could hear her, they apparently weren’t risking their own lives to come out of their rooms.

Once Dee hit the bottom of the stairs, she only had a split second to decide which way to go, the killer’s pounding footsteps on the stairs behind her. The front door hung open halfway from the other people choosing to abandon ship. Dee went that way, slamming the door shut behind her and running out into the lawn. Almost immediately, she was soaked, slipping on the muddy ground outside.

Thunder crashed outside and she gasped as the heavy breathing of the killer behind her got closer and closer. Dee was losing ground and she knew it, and she was starting to lose confidence that she would be able to outrun him.

In desperation, Dee saw a small shed on the edge of the field before the treeline. She made for it, falling twice more on the way. She looked back and saw in horror that the killer was only 20 feet behind her.

With a burst of strength that surprised her, Dee yanked on the shed door, pulling it open, almost knocking herself over. After slamming the door, she was relieved to find a deadbolt, which she pulled. Only a second after closing the door, there was a heavy thud from the killer outside. Dee backed up, looking around for a kind of weapon. She found a heavy flashlight and turned it on, aiming it at the door and shivering.

The next five minutes were the longest in her life. For a while, the killer pounded against the door, throwing all their weight against it. Then, they walked around the shed, searching for a way in, but the only window was a tiny one way up towards the roof. Dee waited with bated breath for their next move, but it seemed like they gave up, eventually. Dee thought that they had left, but she was not going to take the chance, and resolved to wait in here until it was safer.

Once she turned her flashlight on the contents of the shed, however, she was starting to regret this decision. This shed was not abandoned, nor was it filled exclusively with gardening tools. On the far wall, a huge board dominated the space, with small photographs of the party guests. Some of the photos were high school photos, some looked to be torn from family albums, but weirdest of all, many of them were candid photos, taken with a telephoto lens from far away.

Dee moved closer to the board, morbidly curious despite herself, and saw that, although the rest of the party guests had their own place on the board, the middle of the board, and the biggest photos, were of her, Dennis, Mac, and Charlie. Their pictures were surrounded by a row of red tape bolding their photographs. The pictures of Mac and Dennis were one picture. It seemed the photographer had stood outside their apartment window and taken a picture of their living room as they ate dinner, apparently something Dennis had cooked.

The picture of Charlie had been taken from the roof of the previously burned-out building next door to Paddy’s. Charlie was in the alleyway out back, burning rat corpses in the garbage can, his rat basher slung over his shoulder. Dee finally got to her picture and grimaced. The photo had been taken from the back of the comedy club that she visited most days. The person had taken a picture just as she reached the height of her stage fright, dry heaving into the microphone.

Dee backed up. “Well, that’s just insulting.” She muttered, more annoyed about the unflattering photo than the creepy pictures on the wall. She stepped closer and took a look at the other pictures. Four of them had deep scratches down them. Dee looked closely at a photo of a man sitting in a roadside cafe. After some deep looking, she realized it was the man who had keeled over at the croquet game this morning. His eyes had been gouged out, slivers of paper hanging down from the photo. Each of the photos must be of someone who had been murdered, although Dee didn’t recognize one of the women in the photographs.

She looked outside again, wondering if the killer was planning on killing every one of the party guests. She concluded that it was likely, but knowing that she was safe for now in the shed, she decided to wait it out, hoping the killer would go after some of the others instead of her.

Dennis was still in his room, riding out his fourth orgasm of the night. After abandoning the rest of the gang downstairs, he had barricaded himself in his room, reliving the moment in the forest over and over again. The killer and he had experienced something when they locked gazes. Dennis had never felt more connected to someone in his life, and the sexual possibilities from that experience were almost endless. He watched the killer push the girl into the hole again and again. He had heard the screaming and commotion coming from downstairs, but the background noise had only increased his rhythm. Dee’s interruption had been irritating, but now that she was out of the way, Dennis could focus on himself.

It had been almost half an hour since Dee left his room and the screaming and stampeding outside stopped, and Dennis finally felt himself coast to a stop. For the moment, he believed he had satiated himself, but he thought he would make his way to the woods later to take a second look at the body.

As he was standing up to do so, there was a quiet scraping from outside his door. Dennis stood up and breathed out shakily. The scraping started from the far left of the room and continued along the wall that led along the hallway. The slow scraping slowed at his door and then continued, a rhythmic sound from outside. Dennis stepped closer, shivering with anticipation.

“Who’s there?” He asked huskily. There was no response, but the scraping continued. Dennis looked to the right and saw the butcher knife that had been left on his bed. He wondered if that knife was the twin to the one making marks on his door. He hoped so.

Dennis leaned his head against the door, feeling aroused even though he had just climaxed. “I wish you would show your face to me.” Dennis said, pressing his palms against the wood and closing his eyes, reveling in the moment.

The scraping went on for another minute and then stopped abruptly. Footsteps walked away from him, and Dennis’ hand hovered over the doorknob, wondering whether he should open it and go after the killer, or whether that was too dangerous.

Eventually, self-preservation won out, and he decided against throwing himself in front of a serial killer, as much as he wanted to.

After a minute had passed, Dennis unlocked his door with shaky anticipation, pulling it open and looking into the dark hallway, the rain pounding against the roof. His night vision was starting to kick in, but there was nobody there.

Almost unable to contain himself, Dennis turned around and to see the scratches on his doorway. He hissed out something that sounded like a prayer at the sight of his initials D.R. carved into the door and deep slashes through them in the shape of an X. The scratches in the wood continued down the hallway and ended at the stairs.

Dennis took a moment with his hand on the door before going back into his room to admire the butcher knife that had been left for him. He had to go down to the woods.

Charlie was crouched in the closet near the kitchens, clutching a meat tenderizer. After raiding the kitchen, he had intended to run back up to his room, but the heavy tread of someone’s footsteps on the main stairwell backed him up. The kitchen door was too loud, and so Charlie ran for the next door he saw, which was the closet door which led to the secret passage he and Mac had found.

Pulling the door closed, Charlie waited with bated breath for the footsteps to come closer. Realizing he could escape through the passage, Charlie turned around to find a mass of putty blocking the divot in the wall that opened the passage. Someone knew it was there and blocked the entrance.

Charlie’s heart rose to his throat, and he clutched the tenderizer, his nails digging into his palms. Outside his door was the rolling noise of a jar. It hit the door and there was a faint buzzing sound. In the very dim light from the hall, Charlie saw the shapes of flies crawling under the door, taking flight when they reached the inside of the closet.

Two dozen flies were set loose in the closet, and deliberate thump of more jars being set down in the hallway suggested that there were more to come.

Charlie was buzzing himself, getting worked up over being trapped in here. Something the gang could have told the killer if they had stopped by for a chat beforehand was that the one thing you should never do is corner Charlie. When he felt like he was trapped, Charlie could turn feral, attacking everything in sight. When his fuse was blown, it was blown.

A deep groaning in his throat built up until it turned into an all-out scream, and Charlie pushed the door open with a crash, sending the killer stumbling back against the other wall in surprise. Charlie snarled at them, brandishing the meat tenderizer and swinging it. The killer just barely jumped aside until the tenderizer struck the wall next to their head, paint chips spraying everywhere.

The hooded killer dropped a jar of flies they were carrying and it shattered. Charlie didn’t even seem to notice the dangerous chunks of glass on the ground, or the flies buzzing around him. As another flash of lightning illuminated the hallway, Charlie saw the killer’s wide eyes as they backed up from him, although they still said nothing.

Charlie swung the tenderizer again, and the killer grabbed his arm, slamming it against the wall, and then pushed his chest so he fell against the wall and collapsed on the ground.

The killer then turned tail and ran back the way they had come. Charlie shrieked again, almost mindlessly, but by the time he reached the main lobby, any sign of the killer had vanished. They could be anywhere.

As Charlie came down from his angry state of mind, he took the stairs two at a time, locking himself in his room before the killer could come back. He sat on his bed cross-legged, staring at the door with his tenderizer in one hand, waiting for anyone to come to the door, although no one did.

Mac heard the screams and crashes from downstairs and stood stock-still in his room, and although he would never tell anyone lest it threaten his credibility as the Sheriff of Paddy’s, he was terrified. He was beginning to regret letting Dee and Charlie run off. At the time, his goal was self-preservation, to lock the door behind him as soon as possible. Now, though, he was alone, and the ever-increasing disturbances coming from the other rooms and floors was beginning to get to him.

After a series of shouts and crashes from downstairs came two pairs of pounding footsteps. One pair slowed in front of his door before moving on, and the next didn’t pause before slamming a door down the hallway. Mac was wide-eyed, waiting for someone to try and push his door open.

In preparation, he had barricaded the door, shoving the dresser and his chair against the wall. Even with his muscular frame, Mac had had difficulty moving the dresser, and so he hoped it would be enough to stop anyone trying to force their way into his room. Of course, if anyone did manage to get past the dresser and the chair, he would have no problem knocking them out with his black belt skills, but, well, it didn’t hurt to be careful.

Mac definitely wouldn’t be telling anyone that when the thump from outside his window came he spun around and shrieked and brought his hands up in an inaccurate karate pose. For a moment, he relaxed, thinking it had just been the wind, when a hand appeared on the glass outside the window. Mac’s eyes widened and he backed up, just remembering the overhang that was right underneath his window. Of course it would be a simple thing to climb up from the porch and get straight to his room.

Mac didn’t move while the hand grabbed and pulled at the latch, finally allowing the window to swing inwards, the wind and rain coming in as well.

Mac stood with his hands raised (and they were not shaking, goddammit) as the figure pulled themselves up and stood inside the room.

“Did you get my present?” The hooded killer said, indicating the mutilated stuffed bear sitting against the wall. These were the first words the killer had uttered, and Mac was taken aback. The voice was a woman’s, and didn’t she sound familiar?

Before Mac could answer or attack her with his black belt skills, the figure pulled a pistol out of her pocket, pointing it straight at Mac.

“I’m not going to kill you yet. Let’s go.” The woman said, gesturing towards the open window and the howling rain.

**Chapter 7: Mac Is A Damsel In Distress**

Dennis was laying ramrod straight on top of his covers when his reverie was interrupted by the hysterical screeching and pounding from his door.

“Let me into your room, you dick! I’ve been locked in a shed all night!” Dee screamed, and Dennis sighed, letting her into the room again. She blew into the room like a hurricane, hair wet and tangled, clothes muddy from her tripping run through the yard.

Most of the night had passed, and the faint light of dawn came streaming in through Dennis’ open window, although the day had dawned overcast like the last. The storm had stopped sometime in the dead of night, and only a faint drizzle continued across the fields.

When Dee told Dennis about the killer and the board in the shed with all their pictures, a strange look came over Dennis.

“Where is this shed?” He asked, voice curiously strangled.

Dee gave him a weird look. “Dennis, we don’t have time for your weird obsession with serial killers, okay. About an hour ago, when it started to get light out, I looked out the window and saw the killer again. They were still in a hood, but they had a gun on Mac and they were leading him into the forest.”

Dennis had the good grace to look mildly concerned. “Where do you think they were taking him?”

Dee shrugged. “Either they took Mac to the middle of the woods and shot him in the head, or my next guess would be that cabin they kept talking about. The one that belonged to the old groundskeeper. Now, what’s tripping me up is the fact that they walked Mac right past my window only when it was light enough to see. I’m pretty sure the killer wants us to go after Mac, and made sure we knew where they would be.”

Dennis stood up from the bed. “We should go.” He was surprised to discover that he didn’t like the thought of Mac dying. The nagging notion of what to do about the knowledge that Mac was in love with him had not yet come to fruition, and Dennis did hate his plans to be interrupted by developments that were not his own. If he was being honest with himself, he also wanted to see the killer in person, needed to see them and find out whether their kinship was something mutual. He was fascinated.

Dee was shaking her head, though. “Oh, no way. I’m not going to get myself killed for that dickhole. Mac’s on his own. The police are going to be here in a few hours anyway. Might as well just wait for them to do their job.”

Dennis sighed, placing a hand on Dee’s forearm. “Dee, we can’t leave Mac in the woods to die.”

Dee shrugged. “Maybe you can’t, but I can.”

Dennis shook his head. “Dee, you have to admit the four of us, sometimes five of us, we have a dynamic, a balance. You could say that?”

Dee narrowed her eyes. “Sure.”

“What would happen to that dynamic if Mac was not longer around? I’ll tell you what would happen, Dee. It would completely fall apart. Mac would no longer be around to balance out Charlie’s insanity. Charlie would bring the whole gang to the ground. For me personally, I would no longer have a roommate. Mac’s disappearance would throw all of that into chaos. Can you imagine if Frank brought back the ranking system in the newfound chaos? Now, who do you think will be at the bottom of that list? Me? Charlie? No…” Dennis said.

“It would be me.” Whispered Dee, sounding annoyed. “Goddammit, you’re right. We do have to go after Mac.”

The next step was finding Charlie. Thankfully, he was still in his room. When Dennis eased the door open, it was only to find Charlie pulling something heavy out of the burlap sack he had packed all of his things in.

He turned around at the sound of Dennis and Dee’s entrance, swinging the heavy object around. When he saw it was them, he relaxed, hefting his huge rat-bashing bat over his shoulder. “I saw him too. He must be in the shed.”

Dennis was frowning. “Do you just bring that thing everywhere you go?”

Charlie looked over at the bat. “Well, I don’t really leave Philly ever, dude. And it turned out it was a good thing I packed some weaponry. We need it. I didn’t know what the rat situation was here, how many I would have to bash before I could sleep in my room.”

“None!” Dee exclaimed. “If your hotel has rats in it, it’s time to douse yourself in bleach and leave immediately.”

Charlie shrugged. “Are we going to stand here all day discussing how many rats have to be in your hotel room before you find a new one, or we going to go after Mac?”

“Oh for God’s sake.” Dee muttered, picking up the abandoned meat tenderizer sitting against the chair. “Let’s do this already. I hate this place.”

Dennis unsurprisingly had his butcher knife with him, and the three of them made their way down the empty, silent hallways and the stairs until they hit the front lawn. It was still drizzling, and the ground was absolutely soaked, their feet leaving muddy footprints as they walked across the lawn towards the the treeline.

The woods were quiet and deep, and even the three of them, three of the four loudest people on the planet were struck silent. Eventually, the off-color wood of the outside of the cabin came into view.

Charlie, Dennis, and Dee crouched down and took a look at the cabin. There didn’t seem to be much movement at all. No smoke from the chimney, figures moving in the windows. The place was quiet and dead.

“I don’t like this.” Dee began nervously. Charlie didn’t look too hot on this plan now that they were closer, but when Dennis began walking towards the cabin, they had to follow. They all paused outside the front door, hefting their weapons and holding their breaths.

With a bang, Charlie kicked the old door open, and it slammed back on its hinges, hitting the wall behind it.

The three of them stepped inside, weapons held high threateningly, but soon realized it was unnecessary. Somehow, all three of them had forgotten about the fact that the killer had a pistol with them. This pistol was currently pointed at them as they entered the room.

Mac was sitting in front of the hooded figure, with his arms crossed, looking put out and slightly embarrassed.

“Are you okay, Mac?” Charlie said immediately, looking at him in worry. Mac nodded. Without further ado, the hooded figure gestured with the gun, moving the three of them to the side and for Mac to join them, and join them he did.

The four of them stood looking at the hooded figure, waiting for something to happen.

“So, are you going to shoot us, or…?” Mac asked hesitantly. Dennis was slack-jawed, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the hooded figure.

One of the hands came up, hovering briefly over their hood before finally throwing it aside and revealing their pursuer throughout the past three days, and it was… anticlimactic.

For a few moments, nobody knew what to say.

“Brenda?” Charlie finally exclaimed in confusion.

Brenda, the woman from the front desk, was standing in front of them, still pointing the pistol at them. Her eyes were bright with hate, and she glared at each of them like they were her worst enemies, her bloodless face emphasizing the long scar along the side of her jaw.

“Okay, I’m going to be honest, I did not foresee where this was heading.” Mac said, holding one hand out.

The rest of them nodded in agreement. Dennis’ eyes had lost their fascinated glaze, and he now just looked confused.

“Finally, I have the four of you right where I want you.” Brenda began, hissing.

The reveal of Brenda as the murderer was only serving to make the gang more confused, not more scared. In fact, they could all feel their tension at the situation slipping away rapidly by the second.

“Yeah, and why is that again?” Dee asked, eyebrows raised. “I saw your board. What, are you obsessed with us or something?”

Brenda glared at each of them in turn. “I thought that you might have recognized me a little bit, but maybe I’ve been disguising myself too well.” She reached up a hand and pulled off the long wig she was wearing, revealing a head full of white curls.

“Jesus Christ, you look like a judge.” Charlie said, giggling. The rest of them joined in, laughing hysterically.

Brenda’s anger increased, and her nostrils flared. “You mean you don’t recognize me still? My name isn’t really Brenda. I’m Cateline Dvorak.”

Dennis eased a breath out of his lungs, starting to wonder if there was still breakfast back at the hotel. “Yeah, that’s really not ringing a bell.”

Now Brenda, or Cateline, looked taken aback, her mouth hanging open. “You didn’t… understand the clues I left for you?”

“Yeah, those were weird as shit.” Mac said. Everyone agreed.

Brenda was incredulous. “Why don’t you people remember me? You ruined my life!”

The four of them shrugged, and she screamed at them.

“You killed my grandmother and ruined my wedding!” She shouted. “The four of you were at the hotel pool where I was having my wedding reception. Three years ago. Mac, you were just standing by the present table and ripping into the gifts. You tore apart a teddy bear my father gave me. Charlie, you brought jars full of flies and set them around the pool area. You said you were trying to catch honey with flies instead of vinegar or something insanely stupid. My grandmother was sitting at the table and she started panicking, waving at the flies all around her. She got in your path, Dee, and she lost her balance and fell into the pool. She drowned right in front of you! And you, Dennis, you were the worst. You were completely ignoring all this. You were trying to show a table full of people how to do a knife trick, and when I ran to save my grandmother, I ran into the knife, and you sliced me all the way up my face. That’s why I have this!” She indicated the long scar on her jaw.

The four of them stared at her. “I do not remember this at all.” Dee said.

Brenda huffed. “My husband left me, but I lured him here with all the rest of the people at the wedding who left me. They were all bad, but you four were the worst.” She tried desperately to summon the sense of drama that had been in the room before she revealed herself, but it was clear the gang was not feeling the urgency.

Charlie was tapping his foot, starting to get bored, and everyone else was getting tired of being in a clammy cabin at the crack of dawn when they could be in bed.

Dee indicated the doorway with her thumb. “Should we just…”

Dennis nodded, putting one arm around Mac’s shoulders. “Yeah, this story really isn’t grabbing me.”

“I’m starving.” Charlie groaned.

“Me too, dude!” Mac said, high-fiving Charlie. The four of them walked out of the cabin in high spirits, leaving Brenda gaping after them in disbelief, too shocked at their apathy to use her pistol.

The gang could hear the sound of Brenda screaming and wrecking the cabin behind them, and they rolled their eyes.

“Some people honestly have no class.” Dennis said, and the rest of them agreed.

By the time they made their way back to the hotel, the front lawn was crowded with all the party guests who had come out of their rooms at the arrival of the police. Every one of them was screaming at the police and telling the events of the weekend over each other.

When they saw the gang making their across the field nearly arm-in-arm, the police rushed towards them like they were hurt, but they all indicated the woods behind them with their thumbs.

“It was Brenda. She’s back there.” They all said.

“Let’s get drunk, guys.” Mac said. Everyone hummed in agreement, and they made their way inside to the empty dining room to raid the bar while the police lights flashed outside. They were somehow unsurprised to see Frank at the buffet, stuffing handfuls of food into his waistband.

When he turned and saw them, he thumbed outside at the red and blue lights. “What the hell is going on out there?”

The four of them were already downing glasses of alcohol and didn’t even bother answering him.

**Chapter 8: The Gang Unpacks Their Bags**

Dee chugged an entire beer in one gulp and then breathed deeply, belching. Charlie, Mac, and Dennis cheered. The four of them were sitting around the bar back in Paddy’s. It was a week after they had gotten back from the country.

The police had arrested Caroline Dvorak, a.k.a. Brenda back at the hotel, and after a few rounds of confused questioning with the panicked party guests, had charged her with multiple counts of murder.

The police had shown up at Paddy’s the next day, asking the gang for their experience, and they gave it, clearly wishing it was over. Dee began to exaggerate her story to appear untrustworthy. She told them this was so they wouldn’t ask her to testify in the trials, and they all followed her example.

The police gave them strange looks and told them they would be contacted if they would be needed during the trial, but that it was unlikely.

When they told Frank about what had happened over the weekend, he threw his hands up. “I remember that broad! You tried to crash some wedding because it was really hot, and you wanted to use the pool. I was coming, but it looked like a total disaster, so I bailed on you. I’m pretty sure someone died.”

“You know, that’s what everyone keeps saying, but that just doesn’t ring a bell with me at all.” Dennis said.

“I find a hard time caring about people that aren’t us, you know? Like, I just don’t care.” Charlie said.

They all hummed in agreement and tipped their beers up, crashing them down onto the bar one by one.

END


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